I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
