Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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