omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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