is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
