i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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