I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
