OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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