people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
