I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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