when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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