When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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