if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
