3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
