last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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