You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
