Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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