Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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