we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Randomize
