My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
