Someone shit on the floor
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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