So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
