Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
