worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
