Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
