I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
