well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
