Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
We smell like vodka and hangover
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