Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
she peed on how many people?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
