I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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