i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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