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After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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