Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize
