dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Randomize
