It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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