my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
