I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Randomize
