# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
