actually, I'm a sock model
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
