If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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