Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
