we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
