the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
