A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
