Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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