I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
