brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
