cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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