You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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