I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Im part way to drunk.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize
