just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
