Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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