you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
