cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
