I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
