New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
my shit smells like andre
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
